The WHY and HOW of dating sites 

Finding the best sites for dating over 40 starts with your WHY

When it comes to finding love, the question we all ask ourselves is WHERE?

  • Where do I find my soulmate?
  • Where are all the great people and how do I connect with them?
  • Where do I get started in my search for love in midlife?

There are lots of places to find love. I know a woman in her 60s who met her husband of 12 years while they were standing in line at the airport. They started chatting and when they boarded their flight, it turned out they were seated next to each other. They talked non stop throughout the flight, and by the time they landed, they’d made a real and lasting connection.

I know another woman who met her live-in boyfriend when they both joined a local book club. It turned out they’d shopped at the same small-town book store for years, but never ran into each other before. Joining the club was the fairy dust they needed.

These are great stories, but for most of us, finding love in midlife is not going to happen while we’re out running errands, or waiting in line, or doing any of the day-to-day activities that take up our time.

This may come as a crushing blow to those of you who are dying for a meet cute. You want your love story to happen naturally, organically, sweetly – just like in the movies. “It will find you when you’re not looking,” is the lie that so many of us have been told. I have news for you:

If you want to find love, and you're dating after 40, it’s time to get serious about where and how to look for it.

Finding Love in midlife is a project. When you embark on a project that matters to you – for example, launching a business or improving your fitness – you know that the only way to succeed is to apply consistent focus and persistent effort.

As a brand coach, I helped countless small business owners launch their brands. I met with my clients every week to discuss strategy and review progress. Weekly effort and focus kept their motivation high, and their goals in sight.

Imagine a brand client with a different approach. One who spends an hour or two thinking about her business, but only when the mood strikes her. She dips into her project on a random Saturday, then forgets about it for weeks. She schedules a meeting with someone to help with her business, but the vibe isn’t perfect, so she stops networking altogether. After a few months of half-hearted attempts, she gives up on her business.

The WHY and HOW of dating sites

A goal without a plan is just a dream. If you want to make your dream of love your reality, then it’s time to stop hoping for chance meetings. Use the online dating tools at your disposal because that is where the majority of love-seekers are looking. The good news is that if you approach online dating the right way, you’ll see that these sites are set up for your success.

Here are four tips for how to use them to your advantage:

Cast a wide net

Dating after 40 and using only one dating site is like being fresh out of college, eager to start your career, but applying to only one job. The time is now. You want to create something new in your life, so don’t limit yourself. It’s easy and relatively inexpensive to try a variety of dating sites and apps. Depending on the format, interface, and dating pool, some will appeal to you and others won’t. You’ll only know which ones work for you when you get in there and give them a try.

Be clear about what you want

Transparency is the linchpin to having fun and finding love in midlife. Be honest – with yourself and in your profile – about who you are, what you want, and what you want to avoid. There is no point being coy, mysterious, or hard to read. Not only will potential matches lose interest if they’re forced to play detective trying to figure you out – you also run the very real risk of attracting the wrong people, which is a huge waste of time. When you boldly state your intention, the universe rises up to greet you. Trust in yourself to find the love you deserve.

Vet quickly

Don’t waste time with people who are not a match. This is a mistake too many of us make. If you know in your heart, and in your gut, that someone doesn’t align with your values, doesn’t speak to you with respect, isn’t looking for the same things you are, it’s okay to move on immediately.. You don’t need to continue the conversation to “be polite” or “see where it might lead.” Say goodbye quickly, and look for the next opportunity.

Take action

Passivity just doesn’t cut it – not in life and not in love. When you unlock the WHY behind online dating, you will be more empowered to take action. You will be smart and strategic in your search for love, because you’ll be driven by your intention. Action-oriented people are more confident, they move with more clarity, and they are far more likely to get what they want.

As you navigate the world of online dating, remember that each interaction, whether it’s a brief chat or a meaningful connection, is a step forward in your love story. Go with an open heart, curiosity, and a willingness to embrace the unexpected.

For an overview of eight great dating sites, get our Dating App Download for FREE.

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